Men often use sympathy to regain access to you without taking accountability. Girl, never, never, ever lose your boundaries or forget how someone made you feel through their patterns until they take accountability for it. Because if you bas sulah ho jaogi and brush everything off, that person will never level up to treat you right.

And yes, it takes a lot of emotional control, but that is the right way. You will never lose yourself. We are what we constantly choose to be, even when it’s hard. Emotional control, rational thinking, and self-discipline, out of self-loyalty, translate into making the right decisions, being witty, having high self-worth, and carrying conviction in your personality when you enter a room. When you have high self-worth, your loneliness and need to seek connection also decrease. You see people as they are and command respect. These choices shape your internal state and make it richer, little by little.

So, it’s classic male behaviour when they make mistakes: they want access to you again by acting sympathetic. What you need to do in that position is, of course, if they are very sick and all, I don’t think you should go there either. I remember Qawal Farooq: she literally went to all his concerts to establish her position and create that trademark of “I’m always there for you.” But she just gets used, and he always valued Tariq. Rida, on the other hand, never actually went to any of his concerts, even though they were friends. She prioritised her rest, peace, reputation, and dignity. Even when he was sick, she didn’t go there. She just messaged him, asking, “How are you? Are you okay?”

So, in that situation, you need to be a good human being, but you must understand that you’re not going there with the expectation that yeh hum sulah kar lein. This is not a ladder towards razamandi or patch-up. It’s simply a moment to be human, ask, “How are you?” and then leave. You were literally not sleeping for days, yet he was still adding stress to your life. It clearly shows where you stand in his life.

Remember, it’s not just about romantic relationships; it applies to every relationship. You show people, through your standards, how they should treat you. You train them through your responses. You need to show people that you didn’t like certain behaviour. You can’t keep being overly generous at your own expense. This is not generosity; it’s self-abandonment.

So, bas haal-chaal pooch liya, and then you go back to your life. It’s not a ladder for patch-up. Aap is moment ko source of patch-up bana kar yeh nahi bhool sakte ke pehle kya hua tha. You cannot forget everything they did, ignore the lack of accountability, and suddenly become overly available again.

Especially with professional people, achay se baat karo, but that person should still see that you’re not completely giving yourself to them again. And how? Take it slow. Give it time. That’s how you set things right.

I don’t know if the Rabia Sarfaraz account is yours or not, but I really feel like it is. I can’t say that for certain, though. So even if it isn’t yours and it belongs to another girl, I can still explain the pattern.

You guys met because of a hospital situation. He tried to make you happy a little, love-bombed you, and aap itna zyada overly free ho gayi, forgetting everything he did, the patterns he showed, and how he put you in an awkward and disrespectful position. You guys aren’t in love with each other. Even if there were feelings, he publicly humiliated you. And even as a professional actor, he should have treated you with respect.

When a person shows you their patterns, believe them. Without accountability for past behaviour, brushing everything under the rug and becoming overly available again gives that person access and a free pass to mistreat you again.

You’re setting the tone for both your professional and personal relationship: kuch bhi ho jaye, you can treat me badly, act disrespectfully, and after a little while, I’ll become available to you again.

That used to be my family pattern, and my mother had the same pattern too. If someone was sick, you would go and help them. But that doesn’t mean you forget what they did. You can show humanity without erasing the past. You don’t forget their behaviour until they take accountability for it.

If you keep brushing everything under the rug, those same issues resurface, and you teach that person that they can treat you the same way again. That’s how toxic professional and personal relationships begin: you stop being strategic, rational, and self-disciplined, and start abandoning yourself in the name of kindness.