I'm so proud of myself that even if a trending song comes up now, I might listen to it for a few seconds because of Instagram, but I don't keep going back to it. Otherwise, I've always been away from Instagram because I don't like constantly scrolling and all. I'm mostly on YouTube. But because Instagram has music everywhere, I've consciously stopped watching songs. I don't watch poetry reels either. I read books. I read things.

I used to be a 24-hour music listener. But now, because I've changed, I understand the difference and what it was doing to me, especially because I became aware of my emotions.

Raat ko agar aap music sunte hue so jaoge, you will crave it even more the next day. Din aise aise guzarte jayenge, aur aapki frequency aisi ban jayegi. Ek lamha bhi agar aap koi word ya line repeat karte ho, ya usse sun kar woh emotions feel karte ho, you're lowering your frequency, creating an imbalance and becoming emotionally over-sensitive.

Just recently, I heard a new reel. We thought alvida was the best, of darenijat, but this song is a banger, especially those two or three lines. I heard it and then just moved on. only 10second q k yhe more u keep lostening the more u want. and men 2 minute b woh emotioms jo mujhy feed kiya jarahy crave ni karna and makimg a part of my thought. and not interested kardia ,the mpre u listen the more u want ,And main 2 minute bhi woh emotions jo mujhe feed kiye ja rahe hain, crave nahi karna chahti, na unhein apne thoughts ka part banana chahti hoon. I simply wasn't interested anymore.

But before, I would have listened to that music again and again. Even after listening to it for just 20 seconds, I realised something. I started craving it. These were not my initial thoughts or feelings. Remember, observe your own feelings. I actually haven't had a breakup, but after listening to this song, I feel like I'm going through a breakup. I've never been in love, but after listening to certain songs, I feel like I'm in love. Music influences your emotions. It can manipulate your inner emotional state.

Everything is energy. Then you start having mood swings. You can't remain present in your life. You don't socialise or enjoy what's actually happening around you. You become over-emotional. Either you're stuck in the past, and then when that person from your past comes in front of you, you can't move on, or you start craving future romance. You abandon your healing journey, yourself, your growth and your skills because you start feeling that romance is the solution to all your healing.

And then you abandon yourself. Whenever a person comes into your life, you give everything to that person. Instead of focusing on your own life, growth, skills, detachment and socialising, you forget to simply bond with the person, figure things out and be joyful, appreciative and supportive. That's what you need to do with another person.

You don't need to overgive. You need to continue your own reading, skincare, gym, lymphatic drainage, hobbies, skills and socialising, even when someone enters your life. But you don't do that because the music you keep listening to has already conditioned you to make that person the centre of everything. If romance comes into your life, you give it all to that person because you feel like this is THE person.

Even if you don't consciously want attachment, your emotions keep making you desperate about certain things. Because for a longer period of time, for seconds and minutes, you were listening to songs, watching movies, poetry and repeatedly thinking about those emotions. Your inner state starts reflecting that.

So even after some time, you might say, I don't want attachment. But the constant choices you make lead you towards it. That shows how your repeated choices shape your inner state.

Even if you think, I don't want to listen to that music, I don't want to watch that person or stalk them, I should calm my curiosity. Understand that curiosity is temporary. It's a small emotion. I can manage it. But after watching that thing, I might start craving that emotion or feeling depressed. And then that feeling will stay with me much longer. I'll have to manage it for much longer than the temporary curiosity I could have controlled in the first place. So just calm that curiosity and distract yourself.

The constant choices you're making shape your inner state. And then you say another person isn't making you happy. But how loyal are you to yourself when you're repeatedly making choices that disturb your own emotions?

I used to be over-emotional. Now I'm balanced, and I'm still working on myself. I need to keep doing that.

And just remember, with anxious attachment, when you encounter an emotionally unavailable person, emotionally unavailable doesn't necessarily mean they're rude or that they don't provide anything for you. They might provide certain things, but they won't give you emotional acknowledgement or the emotional consistency you need. That's when you can start becoming attracted to them. You experience huge butterflies and intense feelings. That can actually be a red flag.

Real love is slow. It's easy. It's calm. Your nervous system feels regulated, and with that person, you grow. You become a better version of yourself.

If you're obsessing over someone, it could mean your subconscious has picked up on certain confusing signals. Your brain doesn't like unfinished loops or ambiguity. So it keeps thinking about that person, trying to find clarity and close that loop. You end up obsessing over them, stalking them, wanting answers and seeking closure.

It's not necessarily unhealthy love. Sometimes it's your mind trying to resolve uncertainty.

I used to believe koi rajkumar aayega and everything will be sorted. I used to daydream a lot. I was that type of person. I'm so proud of myself that I've changed. I used to be a very big believer in self-doubt. But I started understanding these things.

I used to be shy as well. I used to scan people's faces. I used to look at their lips. Then I realised that it could invite unwanted attention, and men can interpret certain things through a lustful lens. I don't want that anymore.

Ke ghar jao, phir socho ke usne mujhe aise dekha, then fantasising, and next time meeting that person becomes uncomfortable. Why? We can have comfortable bonds with people, socialise and have fun. When romance enters everything, it becomes uncomfortable. Aur jo hona bhi nahi hota, usse pehle hi aap das kadam aage pahunch jaate ho.

And one thing I also want to tell you: when a man is interested in you, initially he might yap a lot just to test your boundaries and feelings, to see whether you find him attractive or are interested in him. He might say things like, "Do you have feelings for me?" Or indirectly drop hints through conversations. But when you give him your answer too quickly, sometimes the dynamic changes and he may lose interest.

So why get involved in these conversations and rush into giving answers? If a man is genuinely serious about you, just be yourself. Be friends, socialise and observe. If he genuinely wants to pursue something with you, let him propose. As simple as that. Why make things difficult?

See people for what they're showing you instead of daydreaming about them. Daydreaming makes you put someone on a pedestal. You start looking at certain charms and imagining what that person could become in the future with you, rather than seeing what they're actually showing you right now.

Aap daydreaming karke bohot aage pahunch jaate ho. Then you're looking at the idea of what someone could be instead of seeing who they actually are. You're projecting and fantasising. And that can only change when you stop daydreaming and start seeing people as they are.

Maine daydreaming ki habit band kar di. Face scanning bhi khatam kar di, because lust can make a man approach you for the wrong reasons, and even when choosing a marriage partner, you need to be mindful of that.

You shouldn't constantly focus on someone's lips or make everything so performative. Excessive sexual attraction and lust aren't the same as emotional intimacy. And even in marriage, attraction needs to exist alongside respect, emotional connection and self-control. A person's attraction to you doesn't automatically tell you how loyal or committed they will be.

And you know, men also appreciate soft expressions and innocent expressions. I'll give you an example of Zaryab. When Abubakar is romancing Zaryab, she has such soft expressions. She's not constantly looking at his lips and all. She has a soft, innocent expression. That makes her presence more endearing and creates a different kind of connection. Her adorable smiling, giggling expressions actually bring happiness to people's hearts. Aap apni energy se logon ke dil mein sarayat karte ho, and the same applies to a partner.

That is one of the biggest forms of flirtation: being naturally adorable, soft, expressive and joyful, rather than deliberately trying to be flirty or seductive.